pat
swift judgments are quick and painless. and so complete. you know them by their non-messiness. like a piece of food regurgitated whole. plop. wipe. you're ready to go.
these usually occur for me late at night. the collected details of the day churn uneasily and out pops a theory of utter might. some experience of past epiphanies makes me wary of such clean truth. but, god, it's so irresistable.
last night's notion: gay people can be homophobes too.
i was so relieved when that shot out of the darkness as i let myself through the back door. it was 2.30 am and because the day had been largely perplexing, it felt so good to have this wisdom delivered to me so effortlessly. there you go, now stop worrying your pretty little head about it.
how the theory went: gay people can be homophobes too. not just the ones in denial of their homosexuality. but even the apparently 'out' caste need not be accepting of gayness. perhaps for some it's a wretched declaration, wrung out of sheer helplessness. there's no way in hell they could pass off for straight (they know because they've tried), so, yes, i'm gay. there, are you happy? perhaps they're mad. because it isn't easy and they have no choice. that tends to suck. perhaps they're snobbish about how tough they've had it and think every gay individual deserves to suffer like they have. perhaps and on and on
obviously the charm of this idea hasn't died. i'm still pretty sweet on it. but it was so easypeasy. plus i'm unromantic in my caution of paradoxes. especially tart ones that wait till 2.30 am to surface and smirk. when i'm most vulnerable to easypeasy.
on the whole i prefer my theories regular i.e. bilious, painful, and with an aftertaste that lurks forever. the kind that burn a trail, punctured with misleading signs, rattling potholes, and upsidedown maps. how can you trust a journey you don't remember?
these usually occur for me late at night. the collected details of the day churn uneasily and out pops a theory of utter might. some experience of past epiphanies makes me wary of such clean truth. but, god, it's so irresistable.
last night's notion: gay people can be homophobes too.
i was so relieved when that shot out of the darkness as i let myself through the back door. it was 2.30 am and because the day had been largely perplexing, it felt so good to have this wisdom delivered to me so effortlessly. there you go, now stop worrying your pretty little head about it.
how the theory went: gay people can be homophobes too. not just the ones in denial of their homosexuality. but even the apparently 'out' caste need not be accepting of gayness. perhaps for some it's a wretched declaration, wrung out of sheer helplessness. there's no way in hell they could pass off for straight (they know because they've tried), so, yes, i'm gay. there, are you happy? perhaps they're mad. because it isn't easy and they have no choice. that tends to suck. perhaps they're snobbish about how tough they've had it and think every gay individual deserves to suffer like they have. perhaps and on and on
obviously the charm of this idea hasn't died. i'm still pretty sweet on it. but it was so easypeasy. plus i'm unromantic in my caution of paradoxes. especially tart ones that wait till 2.30 am to surface and smirk. when i'm most vulnerable to easypeasy.
on the whole i prefer my theories regular i.e. bilious, painful, and with an aftertaste that lurks forever. the kind that burn a trail, punctured with misleading signs, rattling potholes, and upsidedown maps. how can you trust a journey you don't remember?
posted by Deepa at 1:31 AM
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