the movies

for a whole year i reviewed movies for a website. english, hindi and telugu films. good, bad, but mostly ugly films. i've rarely had people agree with me but i've often had them show genuine concern for my career prospects. "have you considered any other line of work? why not leave the reviewing to qualified folks?"

being of unbalanced mind, i freaked out everytime something like this got said. which it did almost every week. but i kept at the reviewing. not because i thought i was getting better. or because i enjoyed watching movies for free. or even because i'm a masochist (i'm not). i just kept at it because it was my job. and if the guy signing my check was still signing it every month, then bring on the movies.

another reason was i love going to the movies. this is not the same as loving the movies. it has much more to do with popcorn and cola slush. on tv or cd i don't enjoy a movie as much, it usually requires summoning up of the appropriate mood. also since i mostly watch sitcoms, i have the attention span of a hummingbird on steroids when it comes to a full-length feature.

the problem with reviewing is that most of the time i either liked the film or didn't. most of the time, i didn't. this is because most movies are crap. at least the ones that release here, in hyderabad, are crap. films today have sharper, more coherent publicity campaigns than they do scripts. most people cannot act. the ones that can have not enough screen presence. the ones with screen presence get no decent roles. the ones with decent roles have hatchetmen for directors.

sometimes a really terrible film will become a huge hit. while seabiscuit disappears from the theatres in less than a week. i loved that sappy film so. it had three underdogs and william h macy. and nobody went to see it. godzilla, however, ran for three months. in all three languages too. chipkali ke nana hai, chipkali ke hai sasur

we feel so strongly about our films. and our triggers are all so different. telugu film audiences for example go beserk over some really unlikely heroes. what they look for in their leading man is staying power. someone who's been around for years and years. if jackie shroff was a southie hero, he'd have at least one temple to his name by now. in their leading ladies they look for unrestrained voluptousness. a female presence in a telugu film is more of a background detail, so while people do have preferences, they're not too attached to their women.

hindi film audiences in hyderabad love shah rukh khan and aishwarya rai. and lots of fast-paced songs. never mind the kissing. and never mind karan razdan. they also love really bad comedy. toilet humor is a big hit in hindi films here.

english movies that do really well have to be either action or comedy. or passion of the christ. or titanic. or godzilla. big. we like our english movies big.

so i'm glad i quit. i miss the adoring public though. to be told your work sucks by harassed-sounding strangers gives life a timbre of violence that it now lacks.