back
psychologists who would know say that just as a person commits the act of suicide - pops the 30th pill, kicks off the chair, dives into that black sheet, rests his head wearily on the steering wheel - his will to live sharpens to the keenest edge. not so much life flashing before your eyes, then, but its receding headlights. come back, i've changed my mind.
last week, when i was being blinded by logic and deafened by epiphanies - seriously they were going off like those siren rockets on diwali night - i looked at my blog and thought: enough. i don't want another indulgence cluttering up my life. besides, this is crap. god, i can't stand to look at it. off with your head.
i love a good bit of drama in the afternoon, don't you?
but i was serious. and i clicked on that tab that said 'delete this blog', expecting blogger.com to beg me to reconsider my decision. are you sure you want to delete? are you sure you're sure? but blogger is no ms office, and just like that it was gone, poof.
it felt good. then horrible. then not so bad. i felt liberated. then empty. then restless. i said pah a lot.
but i had made a decision, and this time i would not budge. this is good for you, deepa. no worrying about your stupid writing (groan). no worrying about how bloodyawful clumsy it sounds (groaner). no worrying about whether this makes any sense to anybody (let us please not go there). less to worry about, life will perch lightly on the tip of your nose.
but who wants a light life? what's going to keep me from floating away, turning somersaults in the sky, being lectured by geese?
so am back. my stomach pumped, my neck hard-collared, my lungs cleared, my brow mopped. and i had to re-post all that archive stuff for the same reason that people need to put up old pictures on unfamiliar walls.
last week, when i was being blinded by logic and deafened by epiphanies - seriously they were going off like those siren rockets on diwali night - i looked at my blog and thought: enough. i don't want another indulgence cluttering up my life. besides, this is crap. god, i can't stand to look at it. off with your head.
i love a good bit of drama in the afternoon, don't you?
but i was serious. and i clicked on that tab that said 'delete this blog', expecting blogger.com to beg me to reconsider my decision. are you sure you want to delete? are you sure you're sure? but blogger is no ms office, and just like that it was gone, poof.
it felt good. then horrible. then not so bad. i felt liberated. then empty. then restless. i said pah a lot.
but i had made a decision, and this time i would not budge. this is good for you, deepa. no worrying about your stupid writing (groan). no worrying about how bloodyawful clumsy it sounds (groaner). no worrying about whether this makes any sense to anybody (let us please not go there). less to worry about, life will perch lightly on the tip of your nose.
but who wants a light life? what's going to keep me from floating away, turning somersaults in the sky, being lectured by geese?
so am back. my stomach pumped, my neck hard-collared, my lungs cleared, my brow mopped. and i had to re-post all that archive stuff for the same reason that people need to put up old pictures on unfamiliar walls.
posted by Deepa at 2:24 AM
8 Comments:
welcome back, my love.
Post all that angst (hey, that reads two ways).. we get to read you again. Good.
little moments of panic happened when the waving back hyperlink didn't go anywhere.
phew. welcome back.
thank you, kind pipples. i should run away from home more often. jalebi!
keep psoting
Indulgence is good. Good to have you back.
this is so late, it's disgraceful and no one will ever see it, but still
warya: goo, my first, my last, my everything, i couldn't have done it without your silent disapproval of my deleting the blog in the first place
sheetal: all the angst that is decipherable will make it here. the rest i'm sure isn't important.
ro: my first-person-to-link-me! thank you, and it's so good to not be homeless on the 'net anymore.
nelson: thank you, i will. as soon as i have something to say
d: my indulgence is rotting my teeth and giving me a tummy-ache. but it is good. thank you, it's so nice to be welcomed :)
discovered your blog a few days back and am trawling blissfully. discovered now why the old posts don't have dates. am so glad you came back. you have a very rare talent
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