this little light of mine, part two
i'm not sure about body-image and men and what the issues are like there, but women talk real nasty to themselves. they will say the most awful things about their bodies. when i was out shopping one day i ran into someone i know trying out clothes. she asked me what i thought of her trousers and we talked about the timeless trial that is finding the right pair. then she says, and you know i find trousers especially difficult to find because i have such a grotesque figure.
i'm not sure what a grotesque figure is but her's didn't look like one. but this is a good, if extreme, example of the kind of things women say. oh god, my legs are so podgy. my pores are visible from outer space. my nose is funny, my toes are knobbly, my hair is a disaster, my neck is too short, and that all-time favorite, i'm so fat.
now fat is a great favorite and there are many ways to use it. i feel fat, i look fat, i am fat, i'm getting fatter, i'm huge, i'm bloated, i'm a blimp. being technically and immodestly fat, i used to be surprised at these declarations. because they always ensue from the mouth of a person who isn't fat at all. you don't see too many fat people moaning about being fat. mostly because we don't like to talk with our mouths full, but also because we think you are mental.
earlier i was perplexed by this verbal accumulation of fat. but now it seems more to me like vanity. like that girl in school who would always top class and then make a scene about how she only got 98% and how her mother would be soo disappointed. people like that should be given a pinch, it's the only civilised solution.
i get how it is satisfying to pile on the ugliness sometimes. but oh my god, woman, get a grip. when did it become ok to be so damn mean to yourself? are we taught to do this as little girls? to constantly seek and magnify weaknesses? do we feel like perhaps we're beginning to feel too good about ourselves and are scared this won't last so puncture it before it gets you? like it will help you stay grounded to focus on the negatives. like you need to reassure someone less magnificent than you and this is your gift to them, the wilful destruction of pretty. but your beauty persists, and so you must too.
or does it scare you so much, your gorgeousness, that you won't look at it till it puts on a cloak and shuffle?
it hasn't caused any heart attacks yet, but i love my body. oh, it could do with some tiny improvement and the way it is now weighs me down more than i will currently admit. i suffer from clinical depression and over the period of one year did a lot of not nice things to my body, including taking a lit cigarette to it over and over and over. it made sense at the time. i've stopped doing it and it still makes sense.
and for all that, i love my body. it feels heavenly under a hot shower, it squirms under the spread of honey (or indeed, the thought of the spread of honey), it allows me to hug, which is crucial to my world domination plans. i'm told it's a good kisser and i know it's made someone very very happy in its time. and i happen to know it has nothing to do with how hot i look in trousers. or how miniscule my butt is or how perky my boobs. because if that's what makes you sexy, then we might as well all pack up and go home and curl up in a corner and die. and if i'm not ready to do that, then not one of you others has any right to be. so there.
i'm not sure what a grotesque figure is but her's didn't look like one. but this is a good, if extreme, example of the kind of things women say. oh god, my legs are so podgy. my pores are visible from outer space. my nose is funny, my toes are knobbly, my hair is a disaster, my neck is too short, and that all-time favorite, i'm so fat.
now fat is a great favorite and there are many ways to use it. i feel fat, i look fat, i am fat, i'm getting fatter, i'm huge, i'm bloated, i'm a blimp. being technically and immodestly fat, i used to be surprised at these declarations. because they always ensue from the mouth of a person who isn't fat at all. you don't see too many fat people moaning about being fat. mostly because we don't like to talk with our mouths full, but also because we think you are mental.
earlier i was perplexed by this verbal accumulation of fat. but now it seems more to me like vanity. like that girl in school who would always top class and then make a scene about how she only got 98% and how her mother would be soo disappointed. people like that should be given a pinch, it's the only civilised solution.
i get how it is satisfying to pile on the ugliness sometimes. but oh my god, woman, get a grip. when did it become ok to be so damn mean to yourself? are we taught to do this as little girls? to constantly seek and magnify weaknesses? do we feel like perhaps we're beginning to feel too good about ourselves and are scared this won't last so puncture it before it gets you? like it will help you stay grounded to focus on the negatives. like you need to reassure someone less magnificent than you and this is your gift to them, the wilful destruction of pretty. but your beauty persists, and so you must too.
or does it scare you so much, your gorgeousness, that you won't look at it till it puts on a cloak and shuffle?
it hasn't caused any heart attacks yet, but i love my body. oh, it could do with some tiny improvement and the way it is now weighs me down more than i will currently admit. i suffer from clinical depression and over the period of one year did a lot of not nice things to my body, including taking a lit cigarette to it over and over and over. it made sense at the time. i've stopped doing it and it still makes sense.
and for all that, i love my body. it feels heavenly under a hot shower, it squirms under the spread of honey (or indeed, the thought of the spread of honey), it allows me to hug, which is crucial to my world domination plans. i'm told it's a good kisser and i know it's made someone very very happy in its time. and i happen to know it has nothing to do with how hot i look in trousers. or how miniscule my butt is or how perky my boobs. because if that's what makes you sexy, then we might as well all pack up and go home and curl up in a corner and die. and if i'm not ready to do that, then not one of you others has any right to be. so there.
posted by Deepa at 12:14 PM
5 Comments:
really abu, you've no business talking on account of you're bloody beautiful. so shut up and let the rest of us revel morbidly in the throes of ugliness.
as for kisses, i don't believe 'good' begins to describe it.
are you trying to tell me that I oughtn't to moan about the tyre coming up around the tum.
Nish
ugly is such an ugly word - purely phonetically. even in hindi meaning next(F). lacks the smooth silk feeling of the mouth like ...ummm... Venezuela.
I left you a comment on this little light on mine, part one. does it show?
shradha: you're right, venezuela feels positively caramely :) but ugly is not meant to be similarly easy on the tongue. i shudder to think how much more often it would turn up in self-evaluation monologues if it was!
Anyone who uses a loaded word like "ugly" to describe any living being is really covering for sth else. Desperation for reassurance or attention, low self-esteem, an inferiority complex, competitiveness, unchecked cynicism, misanthropy. It happens all the time, though.
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